Something remarkable is happening in our society. Almost everyone has an opinion these days — about climate change, migration, the housing shortage, CO2 emissions — and that opinion is expressed with conviction. Loudly, persistently, and not infrequently in conflict with others. But who actually benefits from all that insistence on being right?
The Obsession with Being Right
We live in an age of polarisation. Discussions on social media, around the dinner table, or in politics follow the same pattern: two camps, diametrically opposed, each convinced that they alone hold the truth. There is barely any room left to truly listen to the other — because listening might imply doubt, and doubt feels like weakness.
But is that a justified response?
What History Teaches Us
It is tempting to believe that what we know today is definitive and beyond question. History proves, time and again, that this is not the case.
Consider Columbus: for decades, he was regarded as the discoverer of America. Historical research has since made a compelling case that Norse seafarers reached the continent centuries earlier.
Or consider the pyramids. The prevailing view for a long time was that they were built exclusively by slaves. We now know that skilled craftsmen and seasonal workers also played a significant role.
Then there is the persistent myth about Napoleon. Small in stature, so the stereotype goes. In reality, at 1.68 to 1.69 metres, he was roughly average for a man of his era.
And then science itself: classical physics assumed that an observer is objective and entirely independent of the reality being measured. Quantum mechanics demonstrates that this is not correct — the act of measurement itself influences the quantum state. The observer is not a neutral bystander.
All of these examples point in the same direction: what is considered established fact today may be revised tomorrow.
A Different Choice Is Possible
What if we allowed ourselves the freedom to say: “Perhaps I am mistaken — or at least not entirely correct”? That is not capitulation. It is intellectual honesty.
Your position today may be fundamentally different in one year, five years, or ten years. That is not a sign of weakness — it is a sign of growth.
When that space is consciously kept open, something changes in the way you listen. You no longer hear only the arguments that confirm your own position — you also hear the other person’s story. And then something remarkable happens: instead of standing directly opposite one another, you shift — just a little — to stand alongside the other.
Side by Side, Not Face to Face
This is not an argument for indifference or the abandonment of one’s own convictions. Having an opinion is valuable. But an opinion is not an identity, and certainly not an absolute truth.
When two people are each willing to move a fraction from their position, a shared reality can emerge that neither could have anticipated in advance. That is the power of genuine dialogue.
The result: greater calm in conversations, stronger connection with the people around you, and less energy wasted on conflicts that serve no one.
The Central Question
Right or happy — it is a choice we make daily, often without realising it.
Being right feels good, but only briefly. Happiness — grounded in connection, openness, and mutual understanding — endures far longer.
The question, therefore, is not: who is right?
The question is: what do I ultimately want?
More happiness, less insistence on being right. Perhaps that is precisely where we all ought to be heading.
Donald
KANDO Coaching